oh, you've got grey eyes

it's all okay as long as you don't look out the window and realize that the sun is coming up.

i really can't think of anything to write about (work consisted of me pulling 4x6 pieces of paper soaked with bleach-fix out of a very sick machine), so i'll just quote something i saw on a random weblog (thank god for nextblog, which is just way too much fun for me):

"true genious [sic] is never accepted in it's [sic] time."

if there was any justice in this world, i would be able to make a living correcting the its/it's (not to mention the your/you're debacle (*)) problems in business and personal correspondence. seriously. something must be done (**).

i'm really getting tired of only hearing the m's through the p's on winamp. really.

on the couch in the living room all day long

music on the television playing our song

and i'm in the mood

the mood for you.

- there's a restaurant in st. louis that has the motto, "when your [sic] hungry as a bear." on their sign. their fairly large sign that people can actually see.

- this coming from a non-queen's-english-type person. i pray for those of you who work with words on a daily basis. or those of you who are crazily obsessed with words.

you were so condescending

the real question, when you reach the point in the evening where you're actually dealing with morning, is whether you can wake up early enough the next day to actually write some desperately overdue e-mails. you can call me if you really want an e-mail.

so maggie was in town over the weekend. it was great to see her, although i've noticed that i tend to talk a lot faster when i'm around her. i have no idea why this is, it's just something i realized. and i also feel silly, because she's visited me three (i think?) times, and two of those times i've taken her to the same restaurant. but hey, chuy's is good.

i've noticed stress levels rising at work. i mean, there won't be any pressing need for prozac or bulletproof vests any time soon, but we're all getting a little snippy with each other. no reason why i just mentioned that.

random musical note: the stockholm monsters song, "how corrupt is rough trade?", takes forever to get good. but when it does...oh boy, does it get good.

did i mention that i bought two cds a while ago? the mountain goats, tallahassee, and rilo kiley, the execution of all things. both of them are still knocking around my cd player with little to no sign of replacement in the near future.

last night it was a little cold in the apartment, so i actually decided to sleep without my fan running (for those of you not in the know, tinnitus + no white noise = insanity. seriously). to make up for the lack of fan noise, i turned on my stereo to the local cam girls station, figuring that it would be easier to fall asleep to dvorak than to drum and bass, mc paul barman, the fixx (i think--but actually, it really doesn't matter. you get the point), or the who (but not good who...have i ever mentioned that i hate the song "my generation"? because i do. i really do). anyway, the point is, i fell asleep without any problems.

it was the waking up that was the issue. i was unaware that the classical station broadcasts a sunday mass on sunday mornings (i'm assuming it's recorded at the cathedral basilica thingamajig downtown, but again, it doesn't matter). so basically, i thought that i was having this dream involving my struggling while hearing (but not seeing) an incredibly boring sermon take place, but it ended up that i was actually awake, and i was actually hearing the most boring sermon ever while being all wrapped up in my blankets.

who needs dreams, when you have classical radio stations?

it was a cold, dark day

with low clouds standing in the way

and the stars jockeying for position

in the crushed velvet world of the death-dealing physician

I don't know why

it's been an odd couple of weeks. nothing concerning me, really, except the growing realization that i am sinking into emotional ruts that feel as familar as the shirt i'm wearing right now (one of my many striped ones, for those keeping score...and if you are, please go out and ride a bus for a while or something).

but here's part of the oddness:

my brother's wedding.

the receiving of a wedding invitation for impending nuptials of jefflash.com and leslie (the future leslielash.com?).

the notice from my aunt that the pressure of getting married in two years (*) is now off, as my marine cousin (as in, he's in the marines, not that he lives in the water. jeez, you people.) is now set to get married in august of 2004. i didn't even know he was involved with anyone from www.chaturbaterooms.com.

finding out that one of my best friends and her live-in boyfriend of four years just broke up. this is related to the other items because it was very easy to see them married. very easy.

now this doesn't lead to any greater thoughts of "when is it my turn?" or anything like that (**). i just find it weird that so many different wedding-related events occurred in just two weeks or so.

and in a completely different vein, dave laughed at my retelling of my dream from last night. he seems to think that a dream involving (1) lara flynn boyle instructing me that i needed to walk through a room that may or may not be infested with cockroaches and (2) carrot top driving a charter bus that i was riding on, only to get off the bus before it stopped completely, thus setting into motion a chain of events both pointless and odd....well, he didn't understand the dream. i should point out that the whole thing involved meta-dreaming, where i'm dreaming that i'm dreaming all of these things, which only complicated the dream even further. so it didn't really make much sense at all. hell, my retelling of the retelling makes no sense. so i apologize for that.

i'm feeling all cultured (and discovering roots of fine movies made in the past few years), because i got the original version of insomnia (starring the stellar stellan skarsgard) and the mini-series, traffik (***), out of the library. both are fantastic. but traffik is really really long.

i honestly didn't mean for the footnotes in this post to reach david foster wallace-type lengths, but i just couldn't stop. sorry.

i have plenty of things that i've been meaning to write about. what does this mean? well, it means that i may actually post more than once a week for a while. and wouldn't that just be exquisite?

i've been thinking over it

i think too much.

it hinders my spirit.

it's never enough.

- short version: my aunt and i realized that my brother got married two years and two weeks after my sister got married. since all children in my family were born two years away from each other, we then concluded that i had until 10 (?) november 2004 to get married, just to keep the tradition going. we had a good laugh about that, and then my aunt tried to fix me up with the daughter of some woman she had met at the reception. the daughter wasn't there, but apparently is a female version of me, and she's in a band. and yes, it was the part about her being in a band that really intrigued me. but then my sister pointed out that if i ever dated someone exactly like me, it would be the most self-destructive relationship ever. i didn't get offended at that statement until the next morning.

- in fact, i don't think i've ever seriously had that thought enter my head. i've joked about it, but that's about it.

- random: i'm in love with traffik. the word, as it's spelled in the mini-series.

Filling up space

first off, oh crap. i didn't post for so long that my main page is blank. that's not good.

but for now, all i have is that i'm peeved with winamp, because even though they're on version number three, they still haven't figured out how to make a decent randomization algorithm. that is, one of the first five songs whenever i call every mp3 up is "bermuda highway," by my morning jacket. don't get me wrong, it's a fine song. i just like to nitpick.

actually, that's not all i have to say. the other thing is that maggie s. has taken up residence on my little ol' server. go visit her.

and this reminds me. i now again put out the call for folks interested in getting some web space. unhappy with blogspot? tired of waiting for those damn livejournals to load? contemplating a weblog/website, but don't know where to turn? or maybe you just want to put pictures on your weblog without having to bite off your own finger. go ahead and e-mail me, and in all likelihood we can figure something out. unless i don't like you.

i have a lot of space. and with the frequency with which i update, i'm not using a whole lot of space myself. so unless maggie takes it all (heh), you're welcome to it.

Engaging list format

i never mentioned this, but my brother bought me the newest guided by voices album as a thank-you for being a groomsman. i haven't listened to it yet. he bought my other brother a dvd copy of super troopers, which made him very happy.

that reminds me, i never wrote anything else about the wedding. ah well, perhaps one day when i have nothing to write about, but feel the need to write something, i'll write something. but i doubt it, because it's already pretty anticlimactic, don't you think?

i haven't gotten any confirmation on this, but the new mountain goats album should be out right about now. as in tuesday. if that's the case, i'll be selling some cds today so i can buy it.

it's oddly amusing to me that i have all of these little projects (and a couple of bigger projects, and one monumental project that will probably never happen, but you never know) to do, and i sit around and talk about how i should get moving on them. but then i sleep for ten to twelve hours and watch movies i got from the library (lately? startup.com and l.i.e.. both good. oh, and dave rented spiderman. fun.). the point? i should get off my duff and achieve something.

but i will achieve something! i'm going to vote. while there's no great race like the ashcroft / carnahan race (or, as we refer to it around here, "the devil vs. the dead guy" race) a couple of years ago, i still want to wear a sticker tomorrow that says, "i voted today!" i heard that's the way to attract women.

i will achieve something else (hopefully)! i will prevent our electricity from being shut off by paying the bill! oh, the excitement! i can't take it!

i'm actually posting right now just to prove that i'm still around. my psyche is still adjusting to the new weather (read: the rain. the endless misting rain.), and i think i actually have that disorder where you get depressed as winter comes, but it'll clear up soon. i swear. and then, yet again, i will be a force around here. right on.

No love

so no one called me. and, like i feared, i woke up at about 3:15. so if i'm late for work, i'm blaming the internet at large for not giving me a wake-up call. that's right...hang your heads in shame.

so i have this idea for a little business venture here in the loop area of university city. i liked to think of it as my little pipe dream, a great idea that would never ever happen for a multitude of reasons (the two most important being that i have no money and am a bit of a flake). but in the past few days, this idea has been mentioned to about five different people (those being dave, jenn and jackie at work, niles, and a person that niles works with).

keep in mind here that i like talking about my pipe dream ideas, mostly because it allows me to forget about the grand ideas after a few people say "yeah right. how the hell are you going to do that?" the problem with this pipe dream is that all five of the people i've told about it have been positive, in fact sometimes they are certifiably jazzed (that's just dave, and me, sorta) about the idea. so now investigation, and possible execution, of the grand idea will begin. as soon as one of us figures out how to run a business.

investors in a plan you've heard nothing about are greatly appreciated. c'mon folks, dip in to those trust funds!